


Culpability

by Cubriffic



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alt title- Jon lives but at what cost, Angst, I'm so fucking sorry for this, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Mark deserves better, Other, tw for suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cubriffic/pseuds/Cubriffic
Summary: Mark only blamed himself for what happened





	Culpability

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I'm so sorry
> 
> Also!!!!! If you didn't read the tags, here's your TW for suicide/depression. It's mentioned extensively in this.

Mark couldn’t tell what brought him back to reality- the banging on the door, the silence that followed or Jon’s ear-piercing screams.

Either way, he felt himself become grounded again. The crying from Eduardo that had filled the house for the past week had disappeared, now replaced by screaming from his other roommate. Mark couldn’t tell why; he could only guess what was going on.

He took his time to reach the room, prepared to stop another argument between the pair. Less common since the accident, but still happening on occasion. Mark put himself as the peacekeeper nowadays, since Jon was too ecstatic to be alive than to focus on arguments between Eduardo and Mark, or even between himself and Eduardo.

Eduardo’s door was fully open, as if someone had just barged their way in. Mark only had to stand a bit to the side to see what was happening. He expected whispered arguments, soft crying, maybe even nobody there.

His assumptions instantly evaporated from memory when he saw the prescription pills spilled all over the carpet. He knew what had happened when he saw Jon shaking and crying as he punched a number into his phone. He tried to deny it when he saw the unnaturally still body that was his roommate on the floor, plastic container still wrapped around his fingers.

A stronger man than him would have taken charge. Would have told Jon what to do, and gotten his friend to somewhere that could help him quickly.

But Mark had never been good at being strong.

-_-_-_-_-

He’s only ever been in a hospital once, after he broke his arm when he was 9. Mark remembered how much of a nightmare the hospital was; the whole place was too bright in the day, then eerily quiet during the night. He was glad that he got out of there quickly.

Now was his second time. The place was the same as it was an odd 15 years ago; the place too bright for a somber time. The doctors talked on and on, but he barely processed anything. He just nodded along, making slight comments as he waited outside the hospital room. He tuned in enough just to hear the basics- Eduardo was barely an inch away from death when they had shown up, and he was making a recovery. They wanted him in the psych ward, just in case. They were going to help him, in the way that Jon and Mark couldn’t.

It was just after they mentioned it that Jon walked out of the room, letting Mark go in himself. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but by the look on Jon’s face, he was to be in for something upsetting.

The room was practically glowing. A tv was omitting faint noise as Mark walked in, sitting himself in a chair next to Eduardo. He looked pretty bad; he was pale, barely awake and looked like a nightmare. He didn’t even turn to acknowledge his roommate when he had walked in. Mark was used to this though, so he didn’t pass it off as odd.

“You alright?” Mark gave Eduardo a small pat on his hand. Eduardo eyes opened a little bit more.  
“I feel like hell.”  
“You look it too.” Mark turned to look at the tv, watching as the lady on some news station talked about a recent rise in price changes. He felt Eduardo’s hand tense under his.

“I’m sorry, Mark.”  
Mark grew a look of confusion on his face. “For what?”  
“I shouldn’t have done it. I worried everyone. I just made things worse for me.” His hand was shaking under Mark’s.  
Mark moved his hand to pull Eduardo into an awkward side-hug. “That doesn’t matter, Eduardo. What matters is that you’re safe. In all honesty, it should be my fault that I didn’t see the signs.”  
“Mark, don’t blame yourself for someone’s own actions.”

The door opened behind Mark, and he turned to see the doctors, waiting. He got up, giving his friend a thumbs up, before walking out the door.

If he had known what would happen next, he’d have done everything to stop himself from leaving that damned place.

-_-_-_-_-

The doctors told them that they’d update them every week. They came to collect some of Eduardo’s things- clothes, a small jar filled with paper, a very small collection of art supplies, and his favourite mug. They promised that he’d return to them soon, all well and fine.

Two weeks passed without incident. The two friends tried to go on with their lives as usual. Mark went on well, returning to his job at the local library and quickly returning back to normal. Jon… struggled. Mark would watch as his friend paced the living room, eyes glued to to phone, as if expecting a phone call from their Spanish roommate. Other times, he’d catch Jon fiddling with the golden ring on his finger, as if it was the one thing keeping him grounded. It didn’t stop him from being his cheery self, but Mark could sense the worry lacing his friend’s voice.

The third week passed with no phone call. Jon began to get antsy, to the point where Mark continuously sent him out to do random jobs, just to distract him. By Tuesday, almost two weeks since the last call, he decided to call them during his lunch break.

“Which service do you require?”  
“Uh, ambulance.”  
The phone line was silent for a moment, before another voice answered, this time belonging to a woman.

“Bridgeport Hospital, what is your emergency?”  
“This is Marcus Herwall,” Mark drummed his fingers on the table he was sitting at. “I’m here to ask about a patient in the psych ward.”  
“And which patient are you looking for?”  
“Eduardo Gomez.”

The lady went silent. Mark’s fingers tensed up.  
“...Of course. I’ll get you onto his doctor’s line.”  
Mark almost scowled as he waited once again for someone to answer. The doctor, luckily, answered quickly.

“Dr. Oswald, how can I help you?”  
“Dr. Oswald! It’s me, Mark.”  
“Oh, Mark…” The doctor’s tone went to monotone in a split second. “What are you calling about?”  
“We didn’t receive a call last week about Eduardo last week. Is he doing alright?”  
The silence that followed could have made Mark go deaf. The doctor on the line sighed.  
“Last week was alright. Unfortunately we didn’t have time to tell you how he was going. But last night…”

Mark’s eyes widened. Every instinct told him to hang up, to believe that he was okay. But he hung onto the phone. “What about last night?”

“We found him unresponsive.”

-_-_-_-_-

The funeral was held a week later. It was almost cliché, the way it was set up- people in black, the rain falling, the ink-coloured umbrellas shielding the attendees. Mark kept his eyes glued to everywhere but the gravestone. He caught glimpses of Eduardo’s family, all just off the plane from Spain, crying silent tears as the pastor droned on and on. He took note of their neighbours, Edd, Tom and Matt, standing in complete silence as the rain fell off their umbrellas. He watched as Jon gave his eulogy, shaking from holding back his tears. When he went up for his own eulogy, he stood there, barely processing whatever came out of his mouth.

Everything else passed by in a blur. Mark didn’t remember much after that, asides from the crying and condolences that usually came with funerals. He faintly remembered Edd offering his support if they needed it, and something about meeting with Eduardo’s parents. But nothing else stuck to him. It was just a blur of emptiness and guilt.

He remembers after that though. He hears the moans and cries of Jon throughout the entire night, as if he can finally let out the emotions that are inside of him. He takes the next week off of work, and just sits in his room, thinking.

Mark thinks about how he could have saved Eduardo.

-_-_-_-_-

Jon told him that they were together a week later. Mark finds his brunette roommate sitting on the couch, fiddling with his ring, staring off into the distance. They didn’t speak as the blonde sat down next to him, picking up a book (one that Mark hadn’t read for some time) and began to read it. The silence between them was tensing by the moment, despite Mark’s efforts to brush it off. It’s only now that he notices how loud Eduardo was.

It takes all of Mark’s willpower to not retreat to his room after he thinks of that.

Mark looked over at Jon, eyeing the golden ring that his friend was still fiddling with.  
“Did you ever mention who gave you that ring, Jonathan?”  
Mark waited a moment, before sighing as Jon doesn’t respond. He leant back into the couch, opening his book back up.  
“Eduardo did.” Mark looked back up at Jon, who was still staring off into space. “It was a gift from him.”  
“Birthday gift?” Mark’s brows furrowed in confusion.  
“Anniversary.”  
“Oh.”

More silence followed. Jon’s expression changed from unreadable to fondness, as if he was remembering an old memory. “He gave it to me back in March. For our two-year anniversary. He wanted to see how long it’d take for you to notice.”  
“Clearly I’m blind, then.” Mark had to smile slightly at that. The fact that they were dating made more sense when he thought of it. It was comforting to him that Jon had someone to love.

As if on cue, Jon turned to face Mark, blue eyes brimming with tears. “Do you think we could have saved him Mark?”  
“Eh?” Mark jumped at the sudden change of tone.  
“If we saw what was happening we could have stopped him! We didn’t see what was going on, and now he’s fucking dead, Mark! He’s dead and we can’t bring him back..” He was shaking now, the tears spilling down his face in a sad waterfall.

Mark didn’t speak as he watched Jon run from the room. It took him a moment to realise that his own hands were trembling as well

-_-_-_-_-

Mark moved out two weeks later. He couldn’t stand the place any longer. It reeked of his past roommate; there were still days where he’d pass the old bedroom and call out a good morning, before realising what he had done. Jon understood; even now, he still acknowledged that Mark wasn’t taking the death very well.

He didn’t move far though. In fact, he just moved in next door. Edd was happy to let the man live with them, as long as he helped with the bills and didn’t get in the way that much.

Despite moving out of that place, he could still feel himself haunted by something. He didn’t know what it was, but it made him feel both empty and emotional. He worked harder than ever, tried going out with Jon, anything to distract himself from what was going after him. But it lingered in him no matter what.

It took him 2 months to figure out what it was. It only clicked to him one night, when Edd was passing out drinks to go with their dinner.

He blamed himself for Eduardo’s suicide.

By the time Edd came to give Mark his drink, the blonde had rushed from the table, trembling with every step.

_If he had been there a moment earlier, maybe all this wouldn’t have happened._

Mark fled to his new room (A shared room he had with Matt; they hadn’t exactly planned on him moving in), ignoring the yells of concern down below.

_If he had just asked him what was wrong, he wouldn’t be stuck in this situation._

Mark fell onto his makeshift bed, smothering his sobs with a pillow.

_If he had cared more, Eduardo would still be here._

-_-_-_-_-

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

The wind nipped at his hands and ears as the trio stood in front of the cemetery. Mark pulled his turtleneck higher up, as if moving it by a mere few millimeters could keep him warmer. Edd pulled at his hoodie, waiting for a response, while Jon stared at the flowers that he was holding. Mark sighed.

“Yes, I’m sure.”  
Edd nodded, and began to lead the two through the cemetery. Mark kept his eyes glued to the floor, refusing to look at the graves. He hated these places; the thoughts of ghosts and spirits unnerved him to the point where he used to run away from these types of areas. But he had to visit here. It was the only way he could clear his mind of the guilt.

Mark almost toppled over Edd as they stopped suddenly.  
“We’re here.”  
Mark forced himself to look up. There it was. The damn thing that his roommate had been buried under. It was beautiful, in an oddly eerie way. Half-dead flowers laid under the stone. Photos of Eduardo were stuck on top of them; some streaked by the rain that had fallen in the past months. The stone was engraved with words, and beautiful markings of poppies, Eduardo’s favourite flowers. Mark rubbed his blue eyes free of tears, to read the stone-

Here Lies Eduardo S. Gomez  
B. 14.03.89, D. 19.08.16  
Son of Adora L. López and Lasaro G. Gomez, brother of Antonio T. Gomez  
Beloved by friends and family, dearly missed by all

Mark dug his fingernail into his palm to stop himself from running away at that very moment.  
“We can wait somewhere else if you want.” Mark looked at Jon, who was clutching the flowers. It took a moment for Mark to notice that they were poppies.  
“That would be great.” Mark could feel his fingers shaking from fear. He didn’t see a point in being afraid, and yet, he was. The two men left him, walking over to god knows where else. Mark let out a deep breath, and approached the grave. He knelt before it, eyes glueing to the flowers in front.

“Hey Eduardo. It’s me, Marcus,” Mark let himself smile slightly. “I came here to talk to you. Things have been okay. We’re doing well. I’ve moved out, but I’m taking care of Jonathan for you. He really misses you, you know. So does Edward and his gang. I do too. It’s taken me so long to realise how much your personality filled our house.”  
Mark’s smile faded when he saw something hidden amongst the flowers.

A golden ring, matching Jon’s one.

Mark felt something building up in him. He looked directly at the gravestone. “I’m sorry, Eduardo. I let this all happen. I would have stopped those doctors from ever letting you away from us if I knew this would happen. I didn’t mean to let you die like this,” Mark felt tears sliding down his face, but he didn’t brush them away. “It’s all my fucking fault. I could have saved you, but I didn’t! And now you’re gone! You’re fucking gone and I can’t bring you back, no matter how much I try to!”  
The rest of Mark’s words dissolved into a mess of tears and snot, as he rested in front of the grave. Visiting the grave hadn’t helped him. It had made him worse. He just sat there, crying his eyes out, begging for forgiveness from his dead friend. But it was pointless. This wouldn’t bring him back. Nothing could.

He tried to bring himself back to being calm, and managed to after a good half an hour of crying. He wiped his tears away, looking back at the grave. “I’ll come back soon. I promise.”

He turned away from the grave, but not before catching a glimpse of the green figure sitting on top of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh the next one will be fluffy I promise


End file.
